Road rage in Downtown Burj Khalifa

On the whole, I absolutely love living in Downtown Burj Dubai (or is it Khalifa? I seem to vaguely recall reading something about this). I love the palm tree lined roads, the view of the Burj, the dancing fountain, the fact I’m literally a five minute walk away from the biggest mall in the world and the beautiful contrast between the architecture of the various buildings. However, what I bloody hate is the fact it takes me at least fifteen minutes to get out of the area any time I want to go somewhere.
 

The roads surrounding Downtown are an absolute mess. The nearby Defence Roundabout has been under construction for as long as I’ve been here and it’s STILL no where near completion. Add to that stupid drivers and what you get is one VERY angry Andrea every time I attempt to leave the house. Just look at this picture – this is just one example of the random road works that pop up every five minutes. The worst time is on a Thursday night when I’m desperately heading to the bar, only to find I can’t get out.

Sort it out RTA because I really can’t take it any more!

Mr Good Enough versus Staying Single: I know what I choose

Ladies, listen up and pay attention because what I’m about to say is going to change your life and save you from a potentially miserable existence. If you want to make sure that you definitely get married and have kids by the time you’re 35 (because, let’s face it, that’s what ALL women want, no matter how much we may deny it), then all you have to do is settle. Yes, that’s right – the next time a guy shows interest in you, no matter how much he may bore you or how much the thought of sharing bodily fluids with him repulses you, if overall he seems like an OK guy, then make sure he doesn’t slip away – he may be the only chance you get to live happily ever after before your perky bits head south and you no longer attract any attention. Forget about sexual chemistry, all consuming love and finding someone who inspires you to be a better person. It’s all nonsense, because let’s face it, you’re average and only the 0.01 per cent of people in the world who are impossibly beautiful can attain frivolous things like real love.

This is in a nutshell what author Lori Gottilieb is advising women in her book Marry Him: The Case of Settling for Mr Good Enough. Apparently we’re supposed to forget about passion and having an intense connection with a person if we want to make it down the aisle, because these things are unattainable. Now let me take a deep breath before I continue, as reading the article relating to this in The Times last week (http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article7009556.ece) made my blood boil more than it has done since the Tiger Woods debacle.

First of all, why is it everyone thinks that all women are always on the quest for finding ‘the one’? It’s a popular myth that single women are miserable. As someone who has been on her own for most of her adult life, I’m used to the “oh, don’t worry, you will find someone,” comments and the looks of pity I get when I say how long I’ve been single for. At the age of 26 (soon to be 27) I can honestly say I’ve never had what people would call a ‘proper boyfriend’. Now that you’ve all stopped gasping and feeling sorry for me, let me explain why you don’t need to worry: it’s through choice.

For me to actually make an effort with a guy, he has to really stir something in me. First, I have to see him and think wow! He doesn’t have to be conventionally good looking, but there just has to be something about him that makes me stop and catch my breath. Then, he has to be interesting. He has to make me think outside the box and in ways I’ve never thought before. He has to challenge me and make me want to pursue things I’ve never considered pursuing. Thanks to guys I’ve really liked in the past, I was inspired to take up guitar lessons and photography, write poetry, and DJ on a student radio station. Some of them have also forced me to face up to personal issues I’d been ignoring for too long. In short, even though I never had a real relationship with these men, they propelled me forward in some way and made a positive difference to my life. Isn’t that what it’s meant to be about?

Unfortunately nothing ever worked out with any of them. I’m not the best of people when it comes to expressing my feelings with men I like, so in the fight/flight scenario that ensues during the courtship period of a relationship, I always flight, as fighting takes too much effort. Therefore, settling for someone will never be an option for me. I can’t even seem to make the required effort to be with guys I like. I’m just too damn lazy.

Believe it or not, though, I love being on my own and I’m not involved in some active quest to bag Mr Right. I have my studio apartment, my car, my hobbies and an amazing social life that sees me out more nights than in. I also have an amazing family and friends who complete my life in more ways than I thought possible. The thought of having to compromise all this for someone I half like is completely absurd to me. Yes, it would be nice to find a man who meets all the aforementioned criteria, fall in love and settle down, but my point is, unless I find exactly what I’m looking for, then why even bother? And for those of you reading this thinking, wow, she’s in denial -  you’re wrong. This is genuinely how I feel.

Let’s now take a minute to read one excerpt of what this woman said in The Times:

“If you are in denial of this you will make bad decisions and end up single. Whereas if you look at the reality and say: okay, the reality is, as I get older there are going to be fewer available men because people are going to be married; there are going to be fewer available men in my age group because men would like to date someone who is younger and more fertile; there will be fewer available men that I will be interested in because the best guys have already been married. Then maybe you can make an informed choice while you still have time.”

This takes me onto my next point. How exactly is settling for ‘Mr Good Enough’ and getting married better than staying single? If what the media likes us to believe is true and all aging women go through a crisis when they start to attract less male attention and everything starts to sag, how will being married to a guy that you don’t find attractive make you feel better? I thought that the whole point of getting married was so that you end up with someone you are so impossibly in love with, you actually embrace your middle age spread together with the same glint that you had in your eyes for each other when you first met. He will assure you he loves your not-so-perky breasts, while you will coo over his ever expanding waistline. That, I can agree, is something to aspire to. But otherwise, I’d rather stay single and ensure that by the time I’m forty and I start to get wrinkles I’m strong and wise enough to deal with the aging process on my own, rather than have to wake up every morning next to some guy I only married so that I didn’t ‘end up alone’.

Women who want children may argue that it’s easy for me to say in my late twenties that I’d rather be single, as I don’t have the sound of a loud biological cloud to contend with. I must admit, having children never was and still isn’t on my life ‘to do list’ (taking a year out to travel, writing books for a living and having a house by the sea, however, all are). I always say, never say never, as you never know where life is going to take you next, however, I genuinely can say at this point in my life that if I never have children, it won’t be a big deal to me. In keeping with the theme of the article, I still don’t see how advising women who do want children to settle for Mr Good Enough is wise, though.

As someone who comes from a broken home, I know the heart breaking effects troubled marriages have on children. Having to live in a house with parents who don’t like each other much is no fun. I can pretty much guarantee that if you settle for just anyone, eventually you will start to resent this person you’ve agreed to spend your life with. Small fights will become mammoth ones, and all of a sudden you will find yourself trapped in a very messy situation – that to me sounds a lot worse than the other option that is growing old alone. I know there are no guarantees that a marriage will last even when you’re both madly in love with each other, but marriages are hard enough without adding the distinct disadvantage of not liking your husband to it from the start.

So, as I come back down off my soap box, I ask you all to at least think about what I’ve said. If you feel inclined to agree with what Lori Gottlieb is saying, then by all means, go ahead and try out Mr Good Enough. Just don’t expect me not to tell you I told you so.

Once You Go Black...

If by chance you happen to be reading this blog on your BlackBerry, it’s very likely that you’re going to identify with what you’re about to read. Or what’s more likely is the red LED at the top of your screen is about to start flashing and distract you into checking you work email/hotmail/facebook/twitter/BlackBerry chat functions, which means you will never actually finish reading this. Yes, that’s definitely more likely.

Despite years of pitifully looking on at the scores of CrackBerry addicts that adorn Dubai’s malls, clubs and bars, I’m afraid to say I have become one. I recently found myself to be the proud owner of a BlackBerry Curve, since some inconsiderate, drunk pervert spilt his drink all over my beloved Swarovski encrusted Nokia E71 in a bar last week (yes, you read right – Swarovski encrusted. I’ve officially become one of ‘those’ Dubaians). I helplessly looked on as my pride and joy drowned in a Long Island Ice Tea, unable to jump in and save it on time. Despite several resuscitation attempts, she was gone. The lights were on, but there was definitely no one at home.

As I mourned my loss, a good friend of mine came to comfort me. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I will arrange to fix this one and you can have my BlackBerry until I do.” Having a spare phone and that spare phone being no less than a BlackBerry, is something that will probably baffle those of you who are reading back home in the UK. But this is Dubai. Everyone has several phones, particularly the locals who change their gadgets more than they change their kandoras. My friend in question was one such local. So off we went in the middle of the night to a palace (yes, a palace) to collect my replacement phone.

So once I got home that night, I unpacked my new arrival and tried to make sense of all the buttons and functions. At first, I had no idea what the fuss was about. The keyboard was tough to use, the layout was boring and without unlimited internet access the device seemed like an over glorified piece of plastic. An expensive one at that. I lustfully thought of my trusty Nokia E71 and everything we’d been through together: regretful drunkard text messages at 3.10am, shouting matches and awkward phone calls – my phone had been through it all with me. But all this nostalgia was about to dissipate fast.

Speaking to another one of my friends, I found out that Etisalat (a telecommunications provider here in the UAE) currently has a deal on offer – one month’s free internet access for BlackBerrys, no strings attached. Being completely and shamelessly addicted to Facebook, I relished the idea of being able to stalk people’s profiles while on the move. So I decided to give the offer a whirl and see what this bad boy could really do.

Once the set-up was complete (a simple process that entailed me sending one text message), the useless and expensive piece of plastic miraculously came alive. At the touch of a few buttons, I suddenly had instant access to personal email, work email, Facebook, MSN and BlackBerry Messenger. I finally understood what a ‘PIN’ was and was scrambling to find out which of my friends were fellow BB users.

All of a sudden my phone was pinging every five minutes. Sure enough I had a load of rubbish to contend with, but spam text messages, emails that entailed me actually doing some work and boring event invites aside, I found myself enjoying being able to access all my accounts at any time. I soon became hooked on the high of getting a new notification. I found myself updating my Facebook status even more than usual (a task I thought was impossible) and wanting to tell the world about every detail of my life (despite the fact I know no one gives a flying crap whether I’m drunk – again).

I’m embarrassed to admit that things got worse. I soon found myself becoming ‘one of those’ BlackBerry users. You know, the ones who parade their phone with the same pride a male gorilla parades its nuts and who always have their phones out on the table in a restaurant/coffee shop, just to prove to the world how important they are. Those who just have to check their phone the minute it pings and gleefully give anyone who owns anything other than a BB the look of pity. Bless, you only have a Samsung.

Like with any great relationship, however, the BlackBerry and I went through a sticky patch. Instant access to your work emails at the weekend is nothing less than masochistic. You may as well willingly chain yourself to your desk and offer to work seven days a week at no extra cost. And no matter how much you try not to check your inbox, the flashing red light will bug you and taunt you until you have lost the will to live and give in, only to find you’ve been given a crap assignment to do, or that the important material that you were waiting for from a PR isn’t actually ever going to make it to you. In one click of a button, your weekend is ruined and you find yourself wanting to lob Mr BB onto Sheikh Zayed road and watch as it’s smashed into smithereens. By having instant access to my work emails, I found myself having instant access to the feeling of dread you get back in the UK when a load of bills drop through the letter box, only this charged up version was not limited to once a day.

I have now had the BlackBerry for just over a week and I still haven’t heard about the fate of my E71. I guiltily have to admit, however, that despite the love I have for my old phone, I think I will be really upset the day I have to give BB up. I am already considering buying my very own BB, as the thought of going cold turkey and not having instant access to Facebook et al is now horrifying to me. Yes, despite the nuisance of having to deal with a work emails at the weekend, I still think that having the ability to check people’s status updates while stuck in yet another traffic jam outweighs the disadvantage. So, OK, maybe I have sold out just a little bit by giving in to the charm of the BB. But the truth is, once you go Black, you really can’t go back.